The hatred will kill you

I recently wrote a post about being authentic to the outside world, and in turn to yourself. I expressed how I hadn’t been honest with myself or those around me simply because I only showed parts of myself to people depending on our connection. If they’re readers, I’ll only show them the author Fabiola. If they’re in the world of mindfulness and holistic healing, I’ll only show them the healer and meditation guide, the life coach. So on and so forth. 

I am tired of it. I’ve written a book that shows more of myself than anything in the past, and I’m terrified of sharing it. I’m terrified of people I know reading it. Strangers are okay, they don’t know me, I think to myself. But those that do? They’ll know it all. However, there’s a very strong reason I wrote this book, and an even stronger one to share it.

Although All My Truths & One Lie has a romance, the story is about much more than that. It’s about a woman learning to release every emotion, experience, hatred, she’s lived. It’s about a woman that has taken it upon herself to carry the weight of others. And it’s about the weight of family secrets and how our family lineage influences where we stand and the path we take. 

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It may sound a little hokey to some. That’s okay. Ultimately, this book is for me. Why did I decide to share it? Because I’ve learned through observing that I’m not the only one who feels this way. I’m not the only person who struggles with trauma and the after shocks. Mostly, because I learned I’m not alone and that is a mighty big lesson to learn. If I can help one person understand the same thing, my job is done. No, not job—purpose. This is about more. This book is about removing the mask and saying, hey this is me. And it’s about my own release of those that hurt me, of the confusion and pain. It’s about me finally understanding and accepting that I’m worthy of being loved. I’m worthy of more than I’ve given myself and accepted from others. 

I wrote it in pieces, in random scenes, based on emotions and experiences from my life. God, I’m admitting this “out loud” to a public. 

But here’s the thing—I had, have, so much anger and hatred in me. I was tired of carrying it. I’ve learned through the years that holding that emotion in only harms me. It only deteriorates me. The others live on with their lives blissfully unaware. Holding on to the hatred will kill you, will kill me. 

It does no good to do so, and while it’s so damn hard to forgive, it’s essential to our well-being. It’s something that will facilitate our happiness and peace. I said it once, forgiveness is hard as hell, so many times it seems impossible, but the liberation that comes with it is as if you can suddenly fly when you’ve spent a lifetime tied to the ground. And ultimately, forgiveness begins with ourselves. 

I found through this writing process that the anger I was holding mostly was at myself. I was using others as a punching bag because it was easier to blame them. I mean, they were responsible, right? But, deep within, I blamed myself. The reasons are infinite. I’m still a work in progress. My forgiveness is as well. One thing I know for sure is that I no longer want to carry what I was carrying. I no longer want to hold the responsibility of others over my shoulders, adding pressure to my own. 

I wrote a book that’s a cross between fiction and a memoir. I don’t even know what category to put it under. I wrote a difficult book, one that if it lands in the hands of some people, will create problems. But you know what? I’m tired of lies leading the path in our lives. I’m tired of the hatred. Not everyone will like our healing journey. Not everyone will approve of our process in releasing the things that have harmed us. People will prefer to see our flaws so they don’t have to look at their own. I’ll tell you this, no one will be happy with every choice you make. Live for yourself. Fight for your dreams. Hell, go for the life you want to live. Be honest. Live fully. Laugh and cry. Love yourself and love the world despite the flaws. 

Life is so much more than pain and victimhood. Take a step out of the norm and experience the magic of life without the pain we add to ourselves. Let go of the hatred and allow yourself to breathe in clean air and fill your lungs with something else besides the density of pain. Support each other and have compassion knowing we all have our shit but that shit doesn’t define us because we’re meant for more than hurt. 

The hatred will kill me if I don’t release it, but I made the choice to live without it—day by day, always a work in progress. 

It’s not our job to understand the motives of others. It’s our job to provide love for ourselves. So go on and love strongly and live bravely. 

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Red Lights, Black Hearts Cover Reveal!

I am beyond thrilled to show off this cover! I’ve had it sitting pretty on my computer for a few weeks now dying to share it with my readers. Red Lights, Black Hearts is an unconventional love story.

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Synopsis

Darkness can be stained by light. Light can outshine the darkest of corners.

Behind a window in Amsterdam’s desired Red Light District, Samantha practices the art of seduction. Man after man, she controls them, seeking what they both want. But behind the façade of the glass, lies her truth waiting to be uncovered. An inner battle of light and dark takes place as Sam learns to release the past and truly live the beautiful tragedy that is life.

Red lights and black hearts collide in a tale of heart and soul.

Goodreads Link

 

Excerpt

We all walk in the shadow of something. A shadow of expectancy, of pride, of ego, of memories. For some that shadow is the companion to the lonely. My shadow has been my company for so many years. It has pushed me to fight and win. It has talked me into doing things and talked me out of them. Tonight, my shadow dances along with me with the peaked interest of my visitors. One in particular. My shadow seeks his across the snow-covered street, but it’s nowhere to be found.

I have come to terms that Max and I are connected. I have come to accept he is bound to my life for now. What I have not come to realize is my need to see him. I search for him among the audience in awe of the window of pleasure and pain. I shut him out with the thick scarlet curtains that adorn my palace, but seek him in the darkness of the night. The moon traveling in search for the light of the sun to give it purpose.

For a long time I haven’t had a purpose besides survive in a world that I know how to control. I use what I have to move and seduce, destruct the power of some for a little while. Make them beg for something only I can give them. It may seem twisted to some, but it gives me a high to know I can control them. It pushes me forward knowing I have the upper hand. The other option is unacceptable.

Now, my mind is starting to rouse with new purpose. I’m familiar with the symptoms, but I can’t diagnose the disease. This purpose can give new meaning or destroy the little I have left. It could shatter that glass window, or keep me enclosed forever.

Red Lights, Black Hearts

Copyright 2016, Fabiola Francisco

I shared this with my reader group this weekend. It’s the best way I can sum up this story: I’m sharing with you all a book about heart and soul. A story about growth and healing. I’m giving you a story about real life and the struggles that come tied to the ugliness life offers. It isn’t a happy story. It isn’t pretty and romantic. It’s hopeful. It’s honest, and it’s raw.

I am so looking forward to sharing Samantha’s story with you all! Mark your calendars for July 18th!

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Other Titles by Fabiola Francisco

Perfectly Imperfect

Amazon B&N  iTunes Kobo

Restoring Series:

Restoring Us

Amazon B&N iTunes Kobo

Resisting You (Perma-Free)

Amazon iTunes Kobo

Sweet on You Series:

Sweet on Wilde

Amazon B&N iTunes Kobo

Whiskey Nights

Amazon B&N  iTunes Kobo

Author Links

Twitter  Facebook  Reader Group  Web  Goodreads  Amazon author page

Happy Summer!

I love summer break almost as much as I love Thanksgiving (pumpkin pie wins, though). I hope you are all enjoying some warmer weather. It is hot here in South Florida—perfect for beach days.

As many of you know, this summer I am also releasing my sixth book. (When did that happen?!) I still get giddy when I finish a new book. It really never gets old, and part of that is thanks to all of you lovely readers. I get to share my stories with all of you. Red Lights, Black Hearts is different than my other books. It’s honest and raw. I’ve mentioned that before. I hope it makes you reflect and look at situations differently like it did for me. Mostly, I hope you connect with Sam and her story. She is a character that grows so much from beginning to end.

Red Lights, Black Hearts is set to release on July 18th. Keep an eye out for the cover reveal on June 27th. Kari from Cover to Cover Designs hit it out of the park with this one. I am also sharing an exclusive excerpt on my newsletter once my edits are back in. Don’t miss it! You can sign-up here: http://eepurl.com/bm9D0b.

Add Red Lights, Black Hearts to your TBR and check in for the cover reveal here or on any of my social media pages. I hope your summer is off to a great start, and you’re getting some great reading time in!

Join my closed reader group, Fabiola’s Fab Reads, to stay in touch and get the 411 on my books. We don’t bite.

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