I Haven’t Been Completely Honest

I haven’t been completely honest

No, this isn’t where I reveal I’ve been using a pen name or hiding behind a false picture, but those things aren’t far off from what I’ve been doing. A few months ago, I finished a manuscript that is the most honest I’ve ever written. And if you’ve read my work before, you know some of my things are pretty honest, pretty real. However, I masquerade the truth behind made-up characters. For so long, I’ve divided myself into segments, much like you’d do with newsletter lists or apps on a phone. I’ve divided myself, my being, into parts that I think would resonate with groups of people. The Fabi that’s a friend. The Fabi that’s an author. The Fabi that’s a life coach. Did you even know that? Nope. Because I’ve not been courageous enough to share it. I’ve created different “personas” to satisfy each audience, each part of me. Essentially, living different bits and pieces of life with a different role. It’s exhausting, yo. I won’t even say it’s hard, because I did it so naturally, but tiring? Hell, yes. I created this belief around my life that I had to separate my different talents, beliefs, hobbies, and passions according to the “person” I was being at the moment.

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I never talked about my aspect of life coaching, energy healing, crystals, Oracle cards with anyone from the “book world” for fear I’d be looked at differently, not accepted, it would harm my books and reach. I created different accounts with the excuse of “branding” to keep it all neatly piled and sorted under categories. Life isn’t a math problem where you have to sort items by color or shape. When I’d be with people I worked holistic practices with, I’d not mention I wrote romance and women’s fiction because I still believed that the romance stigma existed (and let’s be real, it does) and people wouldn’t take me seriously as a practitioner if I wrote about love and sex. Come on, every human wants to be loved (even the blackest and coldest of hearts) and feel that intimate passion. Then, there was the me that was surrounded by friends, wondering which side I should show. As much as I love the moon, living in phases, exposing just parts at a time, dwindled my being. I started to question who I really was. Am I an author, a teacher, a healer? People would ask me what I worked in and I’d freeze. Ummm… I teach children. I’d cut myself short, not giving myself the respect and importance I deserved from myself.

In 2017, my New Year’s resolution was to be unapologetically me. Stand up for myself, say no when I felt like it, speak my truth. Guess what? I was lying to myself. It was a crock of shit, because how can I do that when I wasn’t being honest with the outside world. It’s not enough to tell yourself who you are. You gotta live it, breathe it, be damn proud of it. And while I am proud of my life, the things I’ve accomplished, I have not proved that. I haven’t lived it outside of my bubble.

I’ve slowly been talking about it. I’ve been sharing a tiny bit more in my reader group, talking about crystals, posting on my personal page about energy and moon eclipses and self-care. But it’s not enough. It’s not enough to sprinkle a bit here and there and hope that the flowers will grow without watering them. Without showing up every fucking day. I’ve never taken the stand to say, “Hey, this is me. Take it or leave it.” We’re so afraid of rejection, maybe because we’ve experienced the hurt of it so much throughout our lives. But you know what? I rather honor myself and learn who those people that are as honest and unapologetically themselves as I strive to be are, than be surrounded by people who unknowingly continue to feed my masks of untruth.

I am a plethora of things because I’ve decided to expand further than just one aspect. I’ve decided to grow and evolve and learn about life and myself and this vast universe we live in. Staying one-dimensional just didn’t cut it anymore. It wasn’t serving me or helping me heal. We all have shit we gotta work through. But man, cutting myself into smaller pieces, not knowing who to show up as, was not promoting my healing.

You know what I learned when I’d share with those in a similar spiritual and mindful journey as me that I write romance? People admired me. They admired me. Why? I wondered. They celebrated my books, my releases, my successes. Hell, they celebrated me. They didn’t have veil of disgust or shame. They embraced it and celebrated it. I slowly started to release my own self-judgment and share more openly (baby steps and all) that I was an author of romantic elements, steamy, sometimes sweet, sometimes cringe-worthy rawness. The only person that cared about what I’d look like was me. I was the only one judging myself.

Not so long ago I spoke to someone in the book community who had posted about a practice. If she reads this, it may ring a bell. Lol I’m drawing a blank at the moment about what that practice was (maybe karma or past lives, or something of the sort), but she sent me a message after a few comments back and forth, saying she had just read my Instagram bio (you know, the spiritual and holistic one I keep separate from my author one because of everything I just mentioned above) and had no idea I worked with everything I do. She thought it was awesome. You know what I told her? “I saw your pic the other day with himalayan lamp and oils and caught my attention. I’m definitely quiet about it and working on being more vocal.” (Don’t judge my grammar, it was a Facebook PM. Typos are accepted). I’ve been quiet about it. I wonder why. I wonder why it took me seeing someone else share about it for me to speak up and say, hey I like that. I agree with that. I live that.

God, we judge ourselves too hard from the perspective of others when they aren’t even doing it.  

Talking to a friend the other day, I told her I thought it was time to merge it all. Merge my blogs and have it all fall under one thing—Fabiola Francisco, human being that is working on not being so hard on herself, learning about life, collects crystals, smiles when she sees a feather, loves book boyfriends and romances and coffee (probably way too much), and writes about real life despite adoring cheesy romcoms and dreaming that one day Sam Hunt will fall in love with her (only half-kidding about this last part).

We all have a villain in ourselves that tries to take over at times (I call it the ego), but aren’t we all light and dark? Yin yang and all that jazz. It’s what helps us learn. Evolving that part and taking from it the lessons is what life is all about. If I were perfect, I’d be somewhere else that isn’t Earth. I’m here to learn, I’m here to meet people and learn from them, I’m here to express who I am.

I’ve gone on about this for longer than intended, so if you’re still reading, thank you, and I hope you live everything in pure honesty and authenticity. Truth is the new cool. Don’t cut yourself short. Don’t hide. Don’t think you won’t be accepted, because ultimately you need to accept yourself. That’s all that matters. Embrace who you are—flaws, gains, friendships, hardships, and passions. It’s all you. It’s all me. All we can do is be the best version of ourselves while we continue to grow as humans.

Today,I choose tobe happy!

As for the book I finished. I have no idea how to market it, but I’ll figure it out. It’s all my honest truth combined with the vision of the life I want. It’s time to be real and accept myself. The rest will fall into place.

XO,

Fab

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Memories of Us is Live!!

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It has been an adventurous summer, from moving to Spain to preparing for this release. I have spent the last week traveling around Spain, visiting places I’ve only ever dreamed of before. Beach, mountain views, and historical monuments.

BUT, the day to share Hunter with you is finally here! A book idea I had for over a year, or maybe two, (and I had thought I’d not write) is finally available for you to read! This is what happens when you get together with friends at a book signing and start talking about story ideas—that were locked away—over cocktails. Encouragement and support mean the world, especially in this community. You are a part of that, so thank you for supporting this dream and reading my words. No words can express my gratitude. 

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The love Hunter and Mackenzie are receiving from ARC readers has me speechless. I am excited for you to read their love story and hear your thoughts! Best news?! It’s available on ALL platforms!

About the book:

The life I’m living was supposed to be ours, not just mine, and without her it means nothing

I couldn’t climb on stage and sing to a crowd, knowing the one person my songs were meant for was miles away from me. Writing songs about her is the best I can do until she comes back because I know we’re not over. We’re just on pause, like your favorite song when you need a moment to take it in. But as soon as I find her, I’m pressing play on our love story.

• Amazon: https://amzn.to/2GvV13d

• iBooks: https://apple.co/2KKajYx

• Nook: https://bit.ly/2rTh5At

• Kobo: https://bit.ly/2IVCkqS

• Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39349692-memories-of-us

Excerpt:

I kiss her full lips, my tongue teasing the seam of her lips, begging for permission to deepen it. As soon as she grants me what I want, my tongue thrusts into her mouth. Our lips move together, speaking words we can’t hear with our own ears but can feel in the depth of our souls.

Mackenzie shifts to straddle me and moans. “I can feel you against my underwear.”

My hands reach under her dress and grips her ass. Her skin is cool against my hands, but the sensation burns me. I rock her into me and she moans again.

“Fuck, Hunter.” Her voice is gruff.

“I love hearin’ you like this. I fuckin’ missed it,” I drawl. Her tiny thong does nothing to stop her from feeling my dick in my jeans. “Bet you’re wet.” She whimpers when I move one hand around and run a finger against her soaked underwear.

“Fuck, babe. Don’t think we’ll have time for much foreplay. I want to feel you wrapped around me, squeezing around me.”

Mackenzie moans again, words gone from her mouth. I move my hand into her panties and feel her against my skin. She’s wet and ready, but I’m gonna make her feel real good first.

I rub my thumb against her clit, and she tenses. “Relax,” I say into her ear.

I continue to please her as she moves above me, her lips on mine in a desperate call for more. When she tenses around my fingers and her breath is labored, I stop and look at her.

“I love you so damn much. I hope you believe me when I say there ain’t no one else for me.”

“For me, either.” She reaches for my jeans, unbuckling my belt and pants, I kick my boots off, followed by my jeans. Mackenzie slips out of her underwear, keeping her own boots on.

“I want you under me,” I lean her back on the blankets, cover her body with mine. I slip into her, slow and steady, and under a blanket of stars I make love to the only woman who has ever had a place in my heart and life.

*Copyright 2018, Fabiola Francisco

 

I_m going to make love to you, nice and slow. Worship your body _til it reaches your soul.”

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Memories of Us Cover Reveal!

Memories of Us is almost here! I am so excited for you to read Hunter’s story. This book is full of song lyrics, emotions, and some glances at Rebel Desire. 
Hunter is an up-and-coming songwriter in Nashville, but he left his heart with the one person that has the power to heal it or break it. Read below for the blurb + exclusive excerpt!

MoU ebook

Blurb:

The life I’m living was supposed to be ours, not just mine, and without her it means nothing

I couldn’t climb on stage and sing to a crowd, knowing the one person my songs were meant for was miles away from me. Writing songs about her is the best I can do until she comes back because I know we’re not over. We’re just on pause, like your favorite song when you need a moment to take it in. But as soon as I find her, I’m pressing play on our love story.

Preorder: books2read.com/mou

TBR: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/39349692-memories-of-us

Preorder available on Amazon, iBooks, Nook, and Kobo

Exclusive Excerpt!

“I need to start by saying that I don’t need you to free me from guilt. I don’t need some kind of permission to move on.” My head turns to the left to look at him. “The guilt I live with is put on myself for being an idiot. No apology is enough, Kenzie.” He shakes his head, keeping his gaze in front of him as well. He’s in his own world as he speaks to me.

“I live with the self-hatred day in and day out, just trying to survive. I write songs about you, about us, trying to preserve what we had. As if doing so would freeze time and I’d wake up one morning to your tapping on my bedroom window. Remember when you used to do that?” He shakes his head to clear the memory. I remember it as if it were this morning I did it. I’ve always been a morning person, so I’d go to his house and wake him up by tapping his window. Then, I’d spend hours helping him around the farm.

Hunter’s chest rises as he clears his throat. “We had so much going for us. I loved you so damn much. I still do, and whether we ever get a second chance or not, I’ll never stop. It’s impossible to.” His eyes seek mine and on cue I turn my head to meet him. I take a sharp inhale as I see the red rim around his eyes.

“I hope you understand that. I’ll never stop. It’s you or no one. I fucked up. I’m not perfect, even if you thought I was. I’ve been going crazy not knowing where you are. I tried finding you everywhere, but no one knew or wouldn’t spill your location. If you think I’ve moved on, you’re wrong. Because this,” he grips his chest, “left with you.”

“You broke my heart… in a way I never expected.”

“Trust me, I broke my own as well.”

I swallow back the tears that want to escape. I just need to wait to cry when I’m locked in my apartment.

“Maybe we were always meant to follow this destiny. We’re different people. Realistically, how many young people stay with the same person, especially through so many changes. Maybe we were never meant to last.” I shrug, focusing again on the patches of grass.

“You don’t mean that.”

I nod silently.

“Damn it, Mackenzie. Look at me. Look at me.” His body shakes next to mine. “We were always meant to beat the odds. You know it. We would talk about it for hours.”

“It’s different now. Maybe we saved ourselves from greater heartache.” I finally turn to look at him, water blurring my vision but I refuse to let the tears fall. Not yet. “It would’ve hurt more if we had started to live the life we planned and realized it was wrong.”

“Bullshit. There’s no greater heartache than this and I know you feel it, too. You don’t believe this.”

I suck in air and release it just a fast. Nodding, I stand. “I’m sorry, Hunter. I gotta get goin’.”

*Copyright 2018, Fabiola Francisco

It_s-2

 

 

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All of You is LIVE!

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Release day is here! No matter if it’s my first book or my tenth, publishing is a special adventure. The emotions, lessons, and support are always present. Each story is so special and the process writing it so different, that it feels like the first time.

Cassidy Rae and Jason’s story is no different. This was a fun treat because it’s the first time I write a child as a primary character, and I LOVED developing Rae’s character {Cassidy Rae’s daughter}. And of course, the rest of the Rebel Desire gang was around.

It will be sad to say goodbye to this group of characters. They’ve been with me for a year and a half, but I am SO excited you all now have the opportunity to read their stories and fall in love with their music, hearts, and happily ever afters.

#OneClick All of You: http://amzn.to/2GAQFbD

Add to Goodreads: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/38314108-all-of-you

Buy Lovin’ on You for 99c and Love You Through It for $1.99 for a LIMITED time! http://amzn.to/2CFDRyr

I hope you enjoy reading this book! Happy reading!

XO,

Fab

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All of You Cover Reveal

I am so excited to share the cover for the final book in the Rebel Desire Series! The cover is perfect to show the emotions between Jason and Cassidy Rae. I absolutely love this story, and it was great developing Jason further, especially after his take on relationships in books 1 and 2. You can read about the book here: SYNOPSIS

Preorder is available on Amazon! You can reserve your copy today and start reading as soon as it goes LIVE on May 2nd! Preorder ALL OF YOU!

Now, drumroll….

all of you ebook

What do you think?! I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments section! Keep going below for a few teasers and the FULL cover.

But first, a FREEBIE! Lovin’ on You, book 1 in the series, is free through 4/7! Love You Through It, book 2, is ONLY $1.99 for a limited time! Grab both copies here and meet the guys from Rebel Desire! #OneClick— https://amzn.to/2GBbi7U 

Cassidy Rae is Sunday mornings when I_ve been stuck in endless cycle of crappy Saturday nights.

 

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Hope you love this cover as much as I do, and I can’t wait for you to read the story!

XO, Fabi

You could be a WINNER!

Spring into March Giveaway!

$75 Amazon Gift Card Giveaway!

 

Spring is almost here and we are celebrating early! I have teamed up with my friends, Rachel Blaufeld and Christy Pastore, to bring you this amazing giveaway. You could be the lucky winner of a $75 Amazon gift card. Talk about book money! Good luck to the participants!

Enter here: http://bit.ly/2F5ENOo

 

*Giveaway ends March 31, 2018

Valentine’s Day Bonus Scene~Cole & Bri

First Valentine's DAy-2

Bri

I rush down the hall that leads to my apartment. My heels click against the outdoor tiles and I grab the wall, careful not to slip. I take a deep breath and release the tension. Chill, bri. Cole will be here any minute to pick me up and there’s no way I’ll be ready on time. Joke on me for trying to be early for once.

The keys rattle as I unlock the door. I’ll jump in the shower, curl my hair into waves, and wear the outfit I picked out last night. I can be ready in thirty minutes, I lie to myself when I check the time on my phone.

Dixie’s barking reminds me of my other responsibility. New plan, I let her out in the patio while I jump quickly in the shower.

I push through the door and straight for Dixie’s cage, stopping in my tracks. I tilt my head. Those flowers weren’t there this morning. I admire the red, velvety petals in the clear vase. I spy the small, white envelope leaning against it and grab it before opening the cage and letting Dixie out into the patio. Smiling, I tear open the envelope and pull out the card.

Babe, 

I used to think this was a silly holiday, but having you in my life I’ll take any excuse to be with you. These roses are just a preview at what I have planned for tonight. I love you, Bri. I’m a lucky bastard, and I’ll never take you and what we have for granted. I’m running outta space here, love, but know I could go on and on about how I feel. 

love, 

Cole

I sigh and smile, hugging the card to me. I never thought I’d be here. A lone tear slips down my cheek. These days my tears are happy tears, and Cole is to thank for that. Spotting Dixie by the door, I let her in and walk into my room, Dixie hot on my heels.

“What the…” I grip my chest, my heart racing at the speed of light.

A quiet chuckle greets me. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

“Fuckin-A.” I breathe out. The chuckles get louder as the man I love walks toward me. I stare at his suit, top buttons of his dress shirt undone, and a smile that lights up the dark room.

“Hey, babe.” Cole wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me to him, his lips brushing mine. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“What are you doing here?” My arms find their way around his neck.

“I wanted to surprise you.”

I smirk. “Surprised I was. Thank you for the flowers.” I lean in and kiss him. Cole breaks away with a laugh.

“Looks like the other girl wants a little lovin’ too.” He bends down to pet Dixie, who is insistent on someone paying attention to her. After a few scratches behind her ear, she shuffles away, leaving Cole to myself again.

“You look handsome.” I run my hands over his shoulders and down the lapels of his suit.

“It’s all for you.” I stare into his blue eyes, immense love filling my heart. I’m so lucky. That thought weighs with meaning.

“I’ll be ready quickly.” I move to grab my things for the shower, but Cole pulls me close to him.

“No rush, babe. Dance with me first.”

“Don’t we have reservations at seven?”

“Don’t worry about that.” He holds a small remote before placing it back in his pocket. The opening of my song begins to play and my eyes crinkle with my smile.

“Let’s dance,” he repeats, wrapping an arm around my waist and holding my hand with his other one.

“Did you know this is my favorite song?” I look into his eyes.

“I’m glad it is. I mean every word as much today as the day I wrote it.” His lips touch mine.

“I love you, Cole Burkely.”

“Love you too, Bri.”

I move my arm tighter around the back of his neck, bringing him closer to me. Once upon not too long ago I never thought I’d find love again, but this stubborn and kind man didn’t give up on me. He granted me a second chance I never knew existed.

Swaying to the music, I listen as Cole’s soft voice sings into my ear.

We’ve got our lives to make this work 

And I’m counting on forever to give you the world

Gonna give you the world, girl

Your broken pieces make me whole

So let me be the one to show

How we fit together

With the final strum of a guitar, the song ends, but we continue to move together. Silence can’t break us apart in the darkened bedroom. My head on his should as the beating of his heart moves my body.

“I canceled our reservations,” Cole speaks.

“Why?” I look up at him.

“Change of plans. Trust me,” he winks.

“But you’re all dressed up.”

“I already told you the outfit is for your enjoyment.”

“You do look sexy,” I waggle my eyebrows.

Laughing, Cole slaps my behind. “Take a shower and get ready. I’ll feed Dixie.”

With a final kiss, Cole leaves my room so I can get ready. I choose to still wear the same red dress I had picked out last night and my heels.

“You look stunning.” Cole stands from my couch and looks at me. “Beautiful,” he whispers as he runs his fingers down my arm and clasps my hand. He lifts my arm to spin me around. “You’re all mine.”

“That I am. So you like the dress?” I look down at the off-the-shoulder, form-fitting dress.

“I love it, although you look beautiful in anything.”

“You say that ‘cause you love me.”

“I say that ‘cause it’s the truth. Ready?”

I nod and follow him, deciding to leave his surprise just that, a surprise.

I squint my eyes when we pull into his driveway. His smirk tells me he has something up his sleeve, but I’m not sure why we’re coming to his place.

“Trust me,” Cole leans to me and kisses my bare shoulder. “Too bad you’re going to have to cover yourself up with a coat.”

“I’ll take it off when we’re inside,” I wink.

Out of the car, I hold his hand and walk toward the front door only to be tugged by the arm.

“This way.”

What did he do? I furrow my eyebrows and smile.

As we walk in to the patio I see a ton of twinkling lights hanging over his deck.

“This is beautiful,” I gasp.

“I know how much you miss having a yard.”

“Thank you, babe.”

The closer we walk to the deck, the more I see of the space. White roses mixed with peonies are placed on the table in a square vase. The flickering flames of candles are spread throughout the railing and table.

“I know it’s cold, but I’m hoping the space heaters keep you warm. If not, I have no problem holding you all night and warming you up.”

“This is perfect.” I turn to look at him. “You can keep me warm.” His thoughtfulness knows no limits. My yard was my favorite thing of my old home, and the apartment doesn’t allow for that luxury, but this is spectacular.

“I ordered dinner. Are you sure you’re okay eating out here?”

“More than okay,” I smile.

“Great. Take a seat.” He holds my chair for me. And serves two glasses of red wine. “I’ll be right back with dinner.”

While Cole is inside, I inhale the breathtaking view. The scent of roses fills my nose as the flames dance in the evening breeze.

“Here you go.” Cole places a plate in front of me.

“Mmm… That smells delicious.” I look at the dish.

“Chicken Masala with mashed potatoes.”

“Yum.”

“You haven’t drank wine?”

“I was waiting for you.” I hold my glass up, Cole mimicking me. “To my best guy for this very special night and for all the special days.”

“Nah, tonight is all for you. You deserve it.”

I smile and sip the wine before we begin eating.

“I have a surprise for you.” Cole says as he comes back outside after clearing the table.

“Oh, a blanket.” I stand and allow him to wrap me in it. By the end of dinner, my legs were trembling but I refused to go inside. Cole takes a seat and pulls me onto his lap.

“This isn’t your surprise.” He holds a gift bag out to me.

“I thought we weren’t gifting anything,”

“We weren’t.”

“Cheater,” I quip.

He shrugs. “Open it.”

I peek into the bag, the lavender tissue paper covering my gift. Removing it, I see white cotton and curiosity spikes as I pull out the soft material and open it. I chuckle as soon as I realize what it is.

“That’s for you to wear at our next concert,” Cole winks. I look at the tee shirt that reads, I’m with the drummer.

“I love it,” I lean in and kiss him.

“There’s more.” Cole juts his chin toward the bag. I look inside the gift bag again and find a small box. I hold the soft, black velvet and open the lid to find a delicate gold necklace with a small music note.

“I love it, Cole.”

“I’m glad.” He squeezes my waist. “I wanted you to have something that made you think about me.”

I cup his cheek. “I always think about you. I don’t need a necklace to remind me who you are in my life. There is no doubt in my mind or heart that you are the man I love. I know our beginning wasn’t how you would have wanted, but I’m living each day to prove to you that you are the man I want in my life.”

Visions of Josh come to mind. I’ve learned to live without him while honoring his place in my heart. I’ve also learned to live in the present, with Cole. My daybreak.

“Everything about us was perfect. I never find the right words to tell you how lucky I feel, and how blessed I am to have you in my life. To be on the receiving end of your love. You’ve given me this,” he places his hand over my heart. “That’s the best gift I could’ve ever received.”

I cuddle into him and kiss his chest. “Who knows where I’d be right now without you.” I keep my chin on his chest and look into his eyes. “Thank you. Thank you for tonight and for being the man you are.”

Cole tightens his arms around me and hums with the twinkling lights and the warm blanket now covering the both of us. I inhale the man who loves me wholeheartedly and thank the stars above for bringing him into my life.

*Copyright 2018, Fabiola Francisco 

Purchase Love You Through It

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